Breaking Dawn: One Midwife’s Review…

…of the trailer.  I admit I have not seen this movie.  Nor am I likely to.  I watched the first Twilight movie with my mother and sister-in-law and although they are planning to go the latest Twilight installment, I am not likely to be invited given the loud guffawing and shouts of “Oh my god!” and “is this for real?!” that came out of me.  Ahem, back to my review of this movie, in particular, of this movie’s birth scene…

Now I warn you, watching a “movie with a birth scene” with a midwife is probably something you should reconsider doing.  Unless you are a midwife and/or are into the “misery loves company” type of get together.  As a midwife, watching Hollywood birth scenes is excruciatingly painful.  Watching a midwife watching a birth scene one might think the midwife herself is actually in labour what with the teeth clenching, pillow gripping, profanity yelling, crying, inappropriate outbursts of laughing and, on occasion, she might lash out at her companion in a physical violence kind of way as she wonders why said companion is not as troubled by the scene in front of them.  It is like a bad parody of every TV/movie birth scene ever made only it is happening right beside you on the couch or worse, in the movie theatre.

The latest Hollywood attempt at depicting birth on-screen promises to be just as nausea-inducing as any other.  Click here if you dare:

You can tell just from this trailer that Bella is of course on her back to deliver and of course it is an emergency and of course she attended by an inexperienced ‘care provider’ who (I’m just guessing) will probably instruct her to push as if she didn’t feel that urge herself AND (again, just guessing) who will likely need to take off his shirt to dry said baby (c’mon you KNOW he is going to at least once in this movie). The worst part of this is that this scene will be burned into the minds of all young men and women of this generation and it will reinforce all negative stereotypes and misinformation regarding childbirth just like all Hollywood birth scenes before it.  Press play.  Repeat.

CBC’s own Eli Glasner wrote this scathing review:  http://www.cbc.ca/news/arts/things-that-go-pop-blog/2011/11/film-review-the-twilight-saga-breaking-dawn—part-1.html.  He hits the nail on the head with this description: “This is a delivery that makes the Alien chestbursting scene look like a scraped knee”.  Mr. Glasner, wherever you are, I think I love you!

Unfortunately given this country’s Twilight addiction, I know many of you will go to see this despite my warning.  The only thing I can offer you is “Labouring Under An Illusion”, a brilliant movie, as an antidote to the birth insanity in Breaking Dawn:

Time will tell if Bella’s birth scene surpasses my “favourite” Hollywood birth scene in”Where the Heart is” where Natalie Portman gives birth in Walmart, on her back with some guy who jumped through a plate-glass window to “save” her.   If it does I think I feel a “midwives only” film festival coming on, where we watch all of our “favourite” birth scenes together.  The movies of course will be on mute and a microphone will be provided for spontaneous commentary and alternative dialogue.  Maybe this is the sort of get together that should be taking place in living rooms across Canada, midwives or not. Who is with me?

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9 responses

  1. This is the premise of the show, from Wikipedia:

    The series features a man and his robot sidekicks who are trapped on a space station by an evil scientist and forced to watch a selection of bad movies, often (but not limited to) science fiction B-movies. To keep sane, the man and his robots provide a running commentary on each film, making fun of its flaws and wisecracking (or “riffing”) their way through each reel in the style of a movie-theater peanut gallery.

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